As a child, I used to have continual visions of grown-ups scolding me. Grandparents, parents, teachers, etc.. I would see a quick vision of their scowling face, and then hear their voices telling me what a bad boy I was. LOL Now quick disclaimer, I wasn't treated like that on a regular basis, but when I got "in trouble", the vision stuck in my head. I wouldn't forget the fact that I had been "bad", and wanted to be loved and accepted by adults. I remember it made me sad thinking that I had displeased an adult for whatever reason. So those visions would constantly flash through my head, reminding me that I was simply a mortal being, with no hopes of perfection.
Now as an adult, I have similar visions, only this time it isn't parents, and teachers, it is past failed love interests. LOL. Laugh if you will, but it is the truth. I see visions of every girl I ever dated with a scowl on their face telling me all my short comings, and why I am such a horrible person.
I know it sounds funny, but it does bother me. I don't want anything that I ever do to upset someone. If I do upset them, and I am making them miserable with whatever I am doing, I desperately want to know WHAT it is that I am doing, so I can fix it. Most of the time I never get the answer.
Even though I know it is impossible to achieve, I will always strive to be the perfect guy. I actually think I am a really good person. I have alot of great qualities. However, something must be wrong with me, for if there weren't, I wouldn't be sitting here in this big empty house alone. (I know, wah, boo hoo, fuck off this is my blog lol)
I guess my point is that I am always striving for perfection. I want to be the good guy. If I am an asshole, then let me know what it is that makes me an asshole, and if I agree, I will change it.
I guess I am having a hard time accepting my string of bad luck in the relationship dept. Guess it is time to pay for a call girl. haha j/k.
Do you seriously want to know? I mean I'm not the end all be all, but I did date you for a minute, and I have a reason why it didn't work. And yes, you are a very good guy with lots of good qualities. As I am a great girl with lots of good qualities, but I'm also full of imperfections. I just happened to find the right guy who doesn't seem to mind them :-) You see, it isn't as much about "fixing" things as it is about true, honest, love. True love overlooks the imperfections. Look how long it took me to find true love... years and years and years and many more failed relationships than you, my friend. But I can tell you, I'm happy and content now. I don't feel imperfect, I just feel right.
ReplyDeleteI am sincerely happy for you Stepheny, I really am! I am so glad that you found the perfect guy, and that your life is working out so well down there in Florida. It makes me think that seriously, everything must happen for a reason.
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