So I get in these moods when I have a bad day at work. I think, for the most part, most people feel this way. They just keep it to themselves, while I write down everything to get it out of my brain.
During my last survey of the day, I was screamed at by a pissed policyholder. He was clearly out for blood. He knew why I was there too. He knew that his paint booth did not have a built in fire suppression system within the booth and ventilation ducts which is a requirement of NFPA 33. He knew I had to take the picture to document that, and he also knew that his policy might get canceled because of it.
Okay, call me the insurance asshole, but you do the math here. Imagine for a second that you are the evil insurance company. You are getting a $4500 annual premium to insure a 7500 sq ft auto shop that does not have the proper fire suppression system in their paint booth. One day your insured is painting and for whatever reason a fire breaks out inside or near the booth. The building, tools, and vehicles are all destroyed with a total loss of a million dollars. If that was your million dollars that was going to be potentially lost, is it too much to ask your policyholder to add a $6000 fire suppression system upgrade to their paint booth? I mean, lets face it, you will never in several lifetimes recoup that million dollar loss from a $4500 annual premium.
This guy couldn't get past that I was the face of the evil insurance empire, and decided to try to rip my head off. Not literally, but I found myself having to stand there while he vented for at least 30 minutes. I found myself doing something interesting during this. I kind of "detached" my soul from my body. Now of course it wasn't literally an "out of body" experience, but mentally I was a million miles away as he screamed at my mindless, lifeless body. haha yeah
When I was finally able to escape (drive away), I started getting in one of those moods where you realize that your precious time on this earth is very limited. I start getting bummed and frustrated that I have to spend the few precious years I have on this earth being screamed at by assholes. All in the name of making a living. Then I fantasize about what it would be like to actually love what you do for a living. Why does it have to be so hard to do what you want with your life?
I worry that I am not going to have much of a legacy when I leave this earth. I am always trying to work towards bettering myself and learning new things. I feel frustrated when I don't know how to do things. That means throughout my life, I will probably always be doing some sort of class or training. Like right now is the CSP, but down the road it might be something else. I'm never satisfied with myself. That is probably a big reason why I am so hungry to learn everything. I want to be able to relax and not stress if I don't know how to do something. I think I honestly won't be truly happy with myself unit I am making/designing something that I can be proud of. I know that might sound crazy, but that is really how I feel. I am just so restless. I'm happy with what I have, but have honestly never felt fulfilled. I have a void that needs to be filled. I want to be proud of my work and my accomplishments. I haven't felt that yet, and really want to. I have a very unsettled soul. I so wish I could just sit back and be normal and happy, but I just can't seem to. I don't know if this is a blessing or a flaw, but I can't help it. It is who I am. I just need to accomplish some goals before I die.
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