Am I really?

Am I really going to post a blog entry everyday?  haha  of course not!  However, my ass just drove 313 miles today, and I can't pick it up from the computer chair.  I will just sit here, half comatose, slouching, and of course typing.

Sometimes when I post a status update on my facebook, I overthink that someone might take offense.  Today I asked if anyone could recommend a church that I could attend where I might meet a girl that is not a money grubbing whore......well in so many words.    Then, of course, I overthought this.   I am still friends with ONE girl I have dated in the past and just want to put the disclaimer that I am NOT including her in the money grubbing whore category.  Not even the money grubbing category.

This post came about because I really thought I knew my recent ex girlfriend.  She didn't seem about money or material things at all.  This is the "REAL" reason for the sudden break-up.  The last night I saw her, I wasn't really thinking, but I said something like this:  "Well I am 36.  It doesn't look like having children will be in the cards for me, so that is a bummer.  Since I won't have any children of my own, I think I will just leave my estate to St. Jude, so the money can go to help kids with cancer."  

That's what did it.   I didn't think I was making out a verbal will or anything, and I didn't think she would think much of it, but that is the only thing I can think of that caused her to send out the "wig out" text about how I don't like her family or her kid.   Jeebus!!! 

So, over and done with.  I am honestly better off alone.  I am happier alone.  I can play drums and work math problems to my heart's content, and not have to go to hang out with someone's family that doesn't even like me.  I will say though, that going to stepmother Judy's holiday parties alone sucks balls.   Makes me think that my brother Joe had the right idea moving far away.   It seriously crossed my mind to try to find girls that I know (not dating but friends) that would go with me to these holiday shin-digs.  Then it also crossed my mind to skip them all together, but that would hurt Judy and dad would feel alone.  So, I suck it up and go.

I am so naturally such an introvert........social situations have always felt so awkward.  I don't know why.

Okay I am tired so I am going to crash.